The Rookie Mama

I am privileged to be part of a wonderful group of young mamas that gathers weekly for fun, venting, socialization, yummy treats - the great list goes on and on. At a recent session, we were discussing prenatal vitamins and how it is recommended that breastfeeding moms continue to take them postpartum. One woman expressed feelings of guilt for not taking any but we assured her that it was not for her baby's sake, but for hers. "Oh," she laughed. "Well, that's okay then." Such is the selflessness of mommyhood.  From the moment I saw a little blue cross show up on that slim piece of white plastic, I knew my life would be forever changed. Sure, I was still basically the same person - the same loud laugh, the same hot temper, the same passionate fervour for disability awareness. But all my priorities instantly changed; I was not living for myself. I was living for her. Every decision, from what I chose to eat to where we decided to live, was centred around t

Disclaimer: as with all major baby-related decisions, consult your primary health care provider. This blog entry is meant to describe our particular situation and perhaps spark a few ideas. Info as interest only! Also, the following entry discusses the transition into solid foods, not actual food choices or preparation. Wholesome Baby Foods is a comprehensive resource you may want to check out, and a shoutout to Stories of Suburbia for similar info! Our preemie daughter was seen by a nurse practitioner for her 4 month vaccination. The NP was both kind and knowledgeable but knew very little about our gal beyond what was written on her chart. She thus suggested we begin solid foods at her corrected age of 6 months which would make her just over 7 months old chronologically. My friend whose baby had already begun this gastronomical journey wondered about this recommendation, as delaying the introduction of solid food is usually reserved for babies with gastrointestinal issues of whi

Holy crawdaddies, does it ever pile up fast. Clothing, towels, bedding - a mound that grows ever higher regardless of how many times (a week..a day!) you do laundry. The satisfying feeling of emptying the hamper is itself hampered by the drooly bibs and blowout onesies that quickly fill in the gaps. I didn't mind laundry that much before; unlike washing dishes or vacuuming, it was a chore I was happy to do. But with the addition of just one tiny extra person in our family, we are suddenly doing loads nearly every day. She's so small! It doesn't make any sense!  Even though the overall amount of laundry in the basket remains the same, it takes twice as long to fold and put away because the items are so tiny. After the baby shower, you wash and dry these adorable pieces of clothing. You giggle at the wee little socks you're folding, then you stack neatly organized piles inside a dresser so new you can nearly smell the pine. Six months in, the cuteness (sort of) remains

I wake to the sound of her babbling. No distress, no anxiety, certainly no crying. Just her - talking to herself or perhaps to the animals hanging on her mobile. This is how she greets every morning. I listen for awhile, trying to shake the sleep from my own head. I wonder at the adorable sounds coming from the crib, and how just a few weeks ago she was not able to control her voice this way. Now there are giggles, happy shrieks, and frustrated grumblings. Just a few months in, and she is communicating with us. I peek over the side of the crib and say good morning; she turns to look at me and a huge smile stretches across her tiny face. She giggles and rolls side-to-side as I reach down to pick her up. I hold her against me and she nestles into my shoulder. She pulls her head back to look at me and we smile at each other. Recognition. She cannot yet call me "mama" nor can she tell me she loves me. But that smile, every morning without fail, tells me she knows who I am

After weeks of weird nap times and varied sleep-wake cycles, the little babe settled into a decent nighttime pattern: 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. with one drowsy feed around 3. We figured we had this on lock. And then it happened: the dreaded four-month sleep regression. We were warned by some friends but that did not lessen the suckiness factor. Sleep regression is simple as it is maddening: after gradually working towards a normal sleep pattern, the child regresses to a phase more akin to her newborn days. Remember not being able to put her down without her waking? Remember being awakened every hour during the night? Do you recall with fondness the 15 minute catnaps that you tried desperately to stretch out? Well, if your kiddo is one of the lucky ones to go through regression, then welcome all that back with open arms!  The literature suggests that regression occurs because the 4-month-old infant brain is developing at an incredible rate, and having to sift and sort through all this n

While in the NICU, my daughter was supplemented with formula until my milk came in and she learned how to feed effectively. Those two conditions had to be met in order for us to be discharged home. So since our arrival some four months ago, my little chunky monkey has been breastfed exclusively and will continue to be until we start solid foods in a few months. Even then, she will continue to be breastfed until, I hope, her 1st birthday. Perhaps beyond! Four months in, and the girl and I have become old hats at this breastfeeding thing. It's casual and comfortable, and for the most part, it's easy. The new difficulty has been keeping her focused when she's so distracted by the goings-on around her. But overall it's been very successful; we are a lucky duo. I outlined some obstacles in a previous breastfeeding entry but there are other details worth sharing. So rookie mamas like me, please know: - Breastfeeding can be quite painful, especially in the beginnin

A friend of mine lost his father recently. I discussed it with another friend who lost her mother a few years back. Since becoming a parent, my husband and I have become increasingly aware of our mortality and that of our loved ones. We have a deeper and perhaps more serious understanding of the fragility, the preciousness, and the fleeting nature of life. And so this is a call to action: stop waiting and start moving. The time, my friends, is now. The chance you want to take, the dream you hope to pursue - there may not be a tomorrow, and there certainly will never be the "right" time. So stop wading in the shallows and jump in the deep end.  This is not about shirking responsibility and living selfishly. No, it is about living and enjoying your life, surrounded by the people you care about. Take up that hobby, apply for that job, bury the hatchet, and ask for forgiveness. Kiss in the rain, hold hands in the dark, and tell your family you love them. Show them you do

You rock her. Sway and shush, but to no avail. You wear a track into your living room carpet, and jog up and down the stairs with her but no...the shrieking, the wailing continues. So you strap her into her carseat, hop in the Nissan, and go for a late night spin around town. The cries turn to whimpers turn to sighs turn to silence. Ahhhh... Then you walk in the front door, set her down as gently as possible, and your husband sneezes. WAAAHHH! There are rough times. And the instances of unrelenting crying make up a large portion of those times. As we've gotten into more of a routine, and I feel more competent and relaxed with day-to-day baby care, it's these moments of gut-wrenching, ear-splitting crying that continue to grind my gears. That, like nothing else, will shorten my temper and bring me to the brink of my own frustrated tears. Rookie mamas like me, please know: there will be times when your beautiful little babe cries for minutes or hours on end and there is

You grab the little radar gun and go running amok through Babies R Us, zapping anything and everything to add to your registry. You pore over customer reviews to pick the BEST *insert baby item here*, weighing the pros and cons, pitting similar items against each other, creating lists or God-help-us Excel sheets for comparison. We North Americans are in a materialistic society. And makers of all things baby have preyed on the desperate vulnerability of new parents. Thus, we are inundated with stuff - the doodads and whatsits that we are told will make parenting easier and more effective. Just spend hundreds of retail dollars and you will raise a Mozart-playing LeBron Einstein that walks at 6 months and recites poetry coming out of the womb. Helpful and time-saving equipment does exist out there, and has indeed made some aspects of parenting easier. But rookie mamas like me, please know: it is not things that make you a good mom. The best, top-of-the-line bouncer/car seat/crib/etc.

The purpose of this blog is twofold: first, to show other new parents that they are not alone. Above all, my goal is to share real experiences as a rookie mama with other newbie moms and dads, so they know what they're going through is both normal and temporary. Second, I want to be truthful. I want to express my joy at the bright and beautiful parts of new parenthood, and I want to share the difficult and trying times as well. Taking on the mommy role is far from easy, and although creating this little girl with someone I love has been the best thing I've ever done, there are times I want to cry or scream or run away. And I refuse to gloss over those times.  When someone asks us how we're doing, most of us automatically respond in the positive. But when we're a brand new parent, and someone is genuinely wanting to know how it's going, why is it that so many of us reach again for that automatic answer? Yes, sometimes it is great - she's feeding wonderfully and

It's a beautiful, life-changing moment to bring a tiny person into this world with just the power of your own body and mind. But it can also be traumatic to said body and mind. I work in a field that is dominated by women. One advantage to such an environment is that I was forewarned about the strange and sometimes icky details of post-partum recovery. Sure, these things can be found in the books and websites, but they are often glossed over. My colleagues were extremely candid about their own personal stories and I appreciated it. So here are some truths about what happens to moms after the baby is born - weird, gross, sometimes both together. But as always, no two births are exactly alike, blah blah blah, here we go: - You will have your period for 6 to 8 weeks and it will be heavy. You will pass huge disgusting clots that may frighten you. Toonie-size seems to be acceptable while golf ball is not. But really. Would not any one seek medical attention if she birthed a crimson

Eat. Sleep. Poop. Cry. Such is the life of the newborn. For weeks and months, it seems whenever the babe is awake, she's either eating or crying. You start to learn the differences between the cries, and are able to tolerate a surprisingly high decibel level. But at first, that's all there is and you become accustomed to it.  Then one morning dawns, and your little dove coos. Just a little squeaking at first, but then there are sweet little sounds akin to talking, and they are accompanied by big smiles and bright eyes. The all-nighters, the hours of inconsolable crying - they fade to the background while you listen to this tiny person discover her voice.  She thinks my attempts at getting her to say "Mama" are hysterical although true giggling and laughing have yet to occur. They appear to happen in the face first before the voice. She looks like she finds something hilarious but the sound that emanates is a little pterodactyl-like. Still, I'll take it ove

Everything written about pregnancy, labour and child-rearing comes with a disclaimer: that every woman and every baby is different, so things may not look exactly as described in articles. Or blogs. Becoming and being a parent is a dynamic process, so being flexible is a key factor to keeping stress levels manageable. The birth plan - that beautiful, ideal way in which you and your partner wish to bring your child into the world. How do you want to manage pain? What support people do you want in the birthing room? What music should play or pictures be posted? Tralala and fiddle deedee. Yes, all these things are important to discuss prior to the baby's arrival - don't get me wrong. But be prepared to throw any or all of the items out the window at any given time. My birth plan did not include 5 weeks premature, after two days of unknowingly leaking amniotic fluid. Nowhere did I write that I would work in the morning, see my OB at lunch, and have my baby that evening. Th

I don't like the term "baby blues". It's innocuous and even cutesy for something that can be serious and emotionally devastating. In the worst cases, it leads to full-on post-partum depression which can have fatal consequences for mom and babe alike. Case in point, the tragic end to the lives of Winnipeg native Lisa Gibson and her two children, a story that has recently brought this issue to the forefront. Post-partum sadness is the very normal result of chaotic hormones affecting what is already a highly emotional, and at times frustrating, situation. Your life is in complete upheaval, you're exhausted and utterly sleep deprived, and your transitioning from the special, beautiful glow of pregnancy to the ever-changing and constant demands of motherhood. Although you are ecstatic with the arrival of your little one, there are times when you feel sadness and frustration to the point of hopelessness; then there is guilt for even having those negative feelings. Many

You think that little crooked grin on your newborn's face is a loving smile. Turns out she's just flatulent. Those chubby cheeks squish involuntarily as the cheeks down below do the same. Oh well. Maybe the next smile will be real. And then she hits the 8 week mark. On a particularly good day, she looks into your face and smiles. This time, it's not followed by a grumbling from below. Can it be? The first real smile from your newborn? Whether it is or not, you choose to err on the side of  super-happiness and believe that it is. You're now on the lookout for other examples to bolster your theory. The following week, it's a sure thing. As you hold your little chubby bunny close and cozy, your husband comes up to wrap his arms around the two of you. While you both look into this tiny face that's a little of him and a little of you, her eyes light up and she gives you an unmistakeable sunny smile. Both sides of the mouth are engaged, and her whole face gets in

Maybe you've pulled an all-nighter in school, staring bleary-eyed at a laptop and hitting the word count button every 2 minutes. Or perhaps you've worked a 10 hour shift at the corner store, the box factory, the coffee shop, trying to earn a little scratch for the weekend mall trip. You therefore think you know exhaustion. But let me tell you: until you have a newborn, the only thing you know is exhaustion's wimpy second cousin, fatigue. Functioning as an over-tired zombie hits a whole new level when you're a brand new parent. I have felt nauseated from the exhaustion. I've felt giddy and angry by turn. I have cried inconsolably because it's 4 a.m., she's feeding for the 12th time in 24 hours, and on top of feeling like a dairy cow, I haven't slept a wink all day. When I was pregnant, my hubby and I were sick of hearing how tired we were going to be. How cliche. Oh, we thought we were aware of the impending sleeplessness; we thought we knew

I heard the warnings and heeded them carefully - breastfeeding is not always easy. It can be downright difficult and for some, even impossible. It's rarely the naturally beautiful process shown in film and commercials, where the rosy-cheeked cherub slips gracefully onto mom and little bluebirds circle overhead. No - it is hard work, dedication and perseverance by mommy and babe alike. But truly, it's worth it. When listening to the warnings, I didn't realize that breastfeeding can be difficult for a whole host of reasons. I assumed the veteran mamas meant it was physically or physiologically difficult - to get the baby to latch properly, to produce enough milk, etc. But I discovered a whole other realm of emotional and mental tribulation that far exceeded the mechanics of breastfeeding. So rookie mamas like me, please know: there are moments of tear-filled frustration and feelings of woeful inadequacy, but they are normal and they will pass. When your little one has been cl