The Real Deal on the Real Deal
The purpose of this blog is twofold: first, to show other new parents that they are not alone. Above all, my goal is to share real experiences as a rookie mama with other newbie moms and dads, so they know what they're going through is both normal and temporary. Second, I want to be truthful. I want to express my joy at the bright and beautiful parts of new parenthood, and I want to share the difficult and trying times as well. Taking on the mommy role is far from easy, and although creating this little girl with someone I love has been the best thing I've ever done, there are times I want to cry or scream or run away. And I refuse to gloss over those times.
When someone asks us how we're doing, most of us automatically respond in the positive. But when we're a brand new parent, and someone is genuinely wanting to know how it's going, why is it that so many of us reach again for that automatic answer? Yes, sometimes it is great - she's feeding wonderfully and gaining weight, she's sleeping better in the night, we heard a laugh for the first time! But other times, things are tough - she's cluster feeding every hour and I barely have time to pee let alone shower, she's been crying for two hours and nothing I do seems to help. But despite these ups and downs, too many of us put up a false front and always respond in the positive. Why?
Perhaps we're being polite and don't want to get into something heavy. Or perhaps we were taught to put on a brave face regardless of the circumstances. Maybe we want others to believe we are steel-clad superparents, handling everything with style and ease. They are all valid reasons, and really, to each their own. But I would rather give the real deal. I would rather others know the truth, good or bad. As I stumble my way through new parenthood, this trial-and-error baptism by fire, I have valued all shared knowledge and experiences from veteran moms and dads. But those who have been candid, openly discussing their hard times and mistakes, they are the ones whose experiences I remember. The good times are easy. It's the bad times with which we need help. And how can we receive that help, if no one knows we're struggling?
When someone asks us how we're doing, most of us automatically respond in the positive. But when we're a brand new parent, and someone is genuinely wanting to know how it's going, why is it that so many of us reach again for that automatic answer? Yes, sometimes it is great - she's feeding wonderfully and gaining weight, she's sleeping better in the night, we heard a laugh for the first time! But other times, things are tough - she's cluster feeding every hour and I barely have time to pee let alone shower, she's been crying for two hours and nothing I do seems to help. But despite these ups and downs, too many of us put up a false front and always respond in the positive. Why?
Perhaps we're being polite and don't want to get into something heavy. Or perhaps we were taught to put on a brave face regardless of the circumstances. Maybe we want others to believe we are steel-clad superparents, handling everything with style and ease. They are all valid reasons, and really, to each their own. But I would rather give the real deal. I would rather others know the truth, good or bad. As I stumble my way through new parenthood, this trial-and-error baptism by fire, I have valued all shared knowledge and experiences from veteran moms and dads. But those who have been candid, openly discussing their hard times and mistakes, they are the ones whose experiences I remember. The good times are easy. It's the bad times with which we need help. And how can we receive that help, if no one knows we're struggling?
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