The Rookie Mama

You were premature by 5 weeks and 1 day. You run on your own time. You were breech after being head down for weeks. You change as the mood strikes you. You kicked off the blankets whenever you were out of the incubator. You run hot, just like your mama, and you already wanted to be like Queen Elsa. You didn't cry through all the heel pricks and IV lines. You are brave and so very strong. You stayed in NICU to learn how to eat, and after 10 days finally got the NG tube removed. You are a perfectionist. With a big appetite. You didn't walk till well past a year old. You are perhaps a little bit stubborn. Also like your mama. You were early to speak and asked a ton of questions. You have a brilliant, inquisitive mind. You love pink, sparkles, rainbows, and music. Also Batgirl. You are your own person. You were uncertain about having a brother, but are doting, loving and gentle with him. You are a wonderful big sister. Y

Today was not a good day.  The sun was shining, koala and I had no big plans, and still it was not a good day. Without anything overtly terrible happening, it was   still   not a good day. The tears were flowing, the despair was real, and the exhaustion enveloped it all. These days do come, and they can happen without warning. They can leave without a trace or linger for awhile, but they come for all of us. And that's okay. Ride the wave, embrace the tears, and know that every rookie parent has experienced the same, and will do so again. A few days back, the littles and I had an amazing day. All meals were fresh and homemade, adorable arts were crafted, and laundry was done and put away. Not only was the sink empty but so was the dishwasher. The kiddos were clean and happy, and so was I. Now fast forward to today when nothing productive got accomplished, and my PB&J for lunch barely one-upped the takeout pizza for dinner. The fruit and veggies that usually round out