The Rookie Mama

i have been hesitant to join the vaccination debate, although i have strong opinions about it. but as i watched from the sidelines, i had an interesting realization: at heart, pro- and anti-vaxxers are actually quite alike. what this massive, contentious, and at times vicious debate boils down to is loving parents who want to do the best for their kids. pro and anti alike, we are bombarded with information/misinformation, we are confused and truly, we are scared. we all just want happy, healthy kids that can grow up in a safe environment. armed with the realization that pro- and anti-vaxxers come from a similar place, i am reviving my blog and adding my voice to the din. the facts and science are out there, so i will not appeal to your brain. instead, i will appeal to your heart. have you held your newborn's hand through the openings of an incubator?  i have. have you held her while trying to untangle all the tubes and lines protruding from her body? i have. and...

Another hiatus as life gets in the way... But here we are! Two months with the little one in daycare, and two months with this Rookie Mama back at work. It's been a strange and difficult transition, but a good one for all that. I miss my little panda, but being away from her during the day makes our time together more special - for both of us, it seems. The smiles and hugs upon pickup are some of the sweetest, most heart-warming experiences I've ever had. Lucky me: my husband gets the drop offs, and I get mostly pick ups. Even though she's fine with the drop offs now, I surely get the better end of the deal :) I love being a mama. I loved having time "off", and the work of being with my daughter that whole first year was rewarding but oh, so exhausting - physically, mentally and emotionally. And although I both loved and appreciated this time on maternity leave, by about month 10 (certainly by month 11), I was ready to get back to work. This absolutely does no...

Happy 1st birthday to our sweet love. I can't believe it's already been a year; it feels like we met just yesterday. But when I think about how much you've grown, changed and learned, it also feels like a lifetime. You are the brightest part of my day and the warmest part of my night.  Stay fierce and determined, and know the value of hard work.  Respect everyone including yourself.  Stay sweet but always genuine.  And above all, know you are so loved by me, your dad, and your many family members and friends.

Can it really be? That one year ago today, we were still a family of two; and that one year ago tomorrow, we held our newborn daughter in our arms? It's been an amazing, awe-inspiring, scary, exciting roller coaster ride. And this week, with her birthday coming up, with my return to work pending, and with our little lady starting daycare, it's been a time of emotional reflection. I have shed many a tear over this daycare situation. I am extremely happy with our choice of provider , and know that she will be in a safe, nurturing, fun, educational environment. But knowing that in theory does little to stem the tide. And really, it's been a whole year of me and her together; it's no wonder I get choked up thinking about my panda spending her days with someone else. She will learn so much at this wonderful place, but I won't be there for a large portion of it - and that's tough. As I thought about this first drop-off, I kept circling back to the same fear: that ...

Before her, my life was pretty good. I was happy, well-adjusted, in a great marriage, living in a gorgeous condo, and enjoying spontaneous date nights and getaways.  Since her, my good life has become greater - in ways I could not understand before. My daughter has made my life brighter, more exciting, more challenging and infinitely more meaningful. Because of her, our great marriage is stronger, having been through the challenges of brand new parenthood. We see each other in totally different lights - not just as husband or wife, but as dad and mom, and it's a new view full of beautiful surprises. I gaze around our snazzy condo, and the setting sun catches on little areas of kiddie-dom that have not taken over so much as they have taken root - and grown within: a farm-themed Exersaucer in the living room, a pink scooter beside the couch, brightly-coloured boxes of books and toys scattered throughout the house. Dinner out now includes a high chair and sippy cup (although Mom...

We had a great routine going! Her naps and sleep cycles were predictable, she mowed down food like a champ, and she loved every second of bath time. Then it all changed.  She must be teething.  Maybe she's under the weather? We probably did too much today; she's overstimulated.  Perhaps we didn't do enough today; she's under stimulated.  Too long of a nap. No, too short of a nap.  Or maybe, just maybe... SHE'S A BABY.  We're on the cusp of our panda becoming a toddler - when we stop counting months (eleven! What?!) and start counting years. And yet, we still play the guessing game. We'd love to have a reason for her crappy sleep and disgruntled mornings. For the whining and whimpering and out-and-out tears that we had rarely seen before. After an entire night of the little one needing parental soothing every three hours, I begged for a full set of teeth in that tiny mouth just to give me a reason for the madness. Alas, this was not t...

A small thing occurred this past Thursday while the panda and I played in the living room. A small but very meaningful thing. We have been practicing her little "tricks" - waving, shaking hands, high-fiving, etc. She's gotten pretty adept at them but sometimes it depends on her mood and distraction level. One thing we have been working on is a little gesture from her Filipino side called "blessing" - mano or mano po . For those of you unfamiliar with this, allow me to explain: Our culture has great respect for our elders. Mano po is an outward sign of that respect and a way of asking for a blessing from them. Imagine some chivalrous person kissing the back of someone's hand; now imagine that instead of bringing that hand to his lips, he touches that hand to his forehead - that is mano po; that is how we teach our little ones to ask for blessing. Now, my daughter and I have been practicing this gesture for awhile. Sometimes she does it quite well, ot...