The Real Deal on Starting Daycare
Can it really be? That one year ago today, we were still a family of two; and that one year ago tomorrow, we held our newborn daughter in our arms? It's been an amazing, awe-inspiring, scary, exciting roller coaster ride. And this week, with her birthday coming up, with my return to work pending, and with our little lady starting daycare, it's been a time of emotional reflection.
I have shed many a tear over this daycare situation. I am extremely happy with our choice of provider, and know that she will be in a safe, nurturing, fun, educational environment. But knowing that in theory does little to stem the tide. And really, it's been a whole year of me and her together; it's no wonder I get choked up thinking about my panda spending her days with someone else. She will learn so much at this wonderful place, but I won't be there for a large portion of it - and that's tough.
As I thought about this first drop-off, I kept circling back to the same fear: that I would start to leave, and my daughter would scream, cry and reach for me. And despite the tears and distress, I would have to turn around and walk away. I wondered, how could I do it? How could I bring her to an unfamiliar place with lovely but unfamiliar people and just leave her, especially if she was having a meltdown? So I had to think logically. I am returning to the workforce so I can earn money and better her life. I can provide for her, contribute to her education, and save for a comfortable home more suited to our family. She can socialize with other children and learn both independence and friendship. The bigger picture is that doing this will improve our lives and well-being; I just had to get through that first day.
Right from the get-go, she showed an interest in the other kids and warmed right up to our daycare provider. After about 15 minutes of acclimating, I had one last big kiss and snuggle, and that's when the meltdown happened. Not her. Me. The tears came slowly but surely as I came face-to-face with this important milestone. But my panda was fine and that made it easier. We waved to each other and I walked out the door.
Alone, I wept in my car. I allowed myself that time, as I felt it was an important part of the experience. Then I began to think about what it all meant and I realized that I wasn't really sad. I was grateful.
Grateful that we have a healthy, happy toddler who can adapt to a new environment with new people and enjoy herself.
Grateful that I have meaningful, well-paying work that satisfies my lifelong desire to help people who need help.
And finally, grateful for a fantastic home daycare that will provide our daughter with a safe, supportive and loving environment.
Not everyone has access to such a place and fewer people are able to take an entire year off to be with their new baby. So rookie mamas like me, please know: it is so very tough to go through this milestone. But remember that it is a building block for the better future you're creating for your little one.
I am blessed to live a life full of privilege and opportunity. Take all that away, and I am still blessed because I have her.
Now I just have to start sharing her with others :)
I have shed many a tear over this daycare situation. I am extremely happy with our choice of provider, and know that she will be in a safe, nurturing, fun, educational environment. But knowing that in theory does little to stem the tide. And really, it's been a whole year of me and her together; it's no wonder I get choked up thinking about my panda spending her days with someone else. She will learn so much at this wonderful place, but I won't be there for a large portion of it - and that's tough.
As I thought about this first drop-off, I kept circling back to the same fear: that I would start to leave, and my daughter would scream, cry and reach for me. And despite the tears and distress, I would have to turn around and walk away. I wondered, how could I do it? How could I bring her to an unfamiliar place with lovely but unfamiliar people and just leave her, especially if she was having a meltdown? So I had to think logically. I am returning to the workforce so I can earn money and better her life. I can provide for her, contribute to her education, and save for a comfortable home more suited to our family. She can socialize with other children and learn both independence and friendship. The bigger picture is that doing this will improve our lives and well-being; I just had to get through that first day.
Right from the get-go, she showed an interest in the other kids and warmed right up to our daycare provider. After about 15 minutes of acclimating, I had one last big kiss and snuggle, and that's when the meltdown happened. Not her. Me. The tears came slowly but surely as I came face-to-face with this important milestone. But my panda was fine and that made it easier. We waved to each other and I walked out the door.
Alone, I wept in my car. I allowed myself that time, as I felt it was an important part of the experience. Then I began to think about what it all meant and I realized that I wasn't really sad. I was grateful.
Grateful that we have a healthy, happy toddler who can adapt to a new environment with new people and enjoy herself.
Grateful that I have meaningful, well-paying work that satisfies my lifelong desire to help people who need help.
And finally, grateful for a fantastic home daycare that will provide our daughter with a safe, supportive and loving environment.
Not everyone has access to such a place and fewer people are able to take an entire year off to be with their new baby. So rookie mamas like me, please know: it is so very tough to go through this milestone. But remember that it is a building block for the better future you're creating for your little one.
I am blessed to live a life full of privilege and opportunity. Take all that away, and I am still blessed because I have her.
Now I just have to start sharing her with others :)
Comments
Post a Comment