The Real Deal on Garbage Sleep
Sleep.
Is that how you spell it? It's been so long, I've forgotten what it looks like.
My days consist of giggling and cooing to a sweet little babe. My nights, however, are more about glaring at a baby monitor and muttering unrepeatables at the screen.
This being our second time around the track, the hub and I knew that the early months would be defined by survival - do whatever it takes to keep everyone safe, sane and reasonably healthy. For me, that meant forging a butt groove in the corner of our sectional, and watching Netflix in the wee hours of the morning while my curly-haired newborn slept soundly on my torso.
The months went on.
Eventually, we graduated from that ridiculous setup, to sleeping in a play yard in our room, and then to a crib in his. The transitions went okay, but his quality of sleep was garbage: nursing to sleep, waking every few hours, crying for comfort or cuddles or just for the fun of it. We forgave it for awhile, blaming sleep regressions, colds, vaccinations, etc. on the many sleepless nights we endured. With our eldest, we didn't really do a cry it out until she was over a year; and even then, she was only waking once a night for a minute or two, so the hurdle we had to overcome was minuscule. (*Sidenote: she cried for 12 minutes the first night, 5 minutes the second, and was done. AMAZING). In her younger months, I couldn't fathom doing cry it out. I simply didn't have the stomach for it. But then this other beautiful little monster came around... and we knew we had to try it.
When we finally decided to bite the bullet and do a real cry it out program with him, I was waking 4 - 6 times a night with him, holding him for an hour, sometimes two, while he slept and I didn't. This was not a healthy setup for either of us, and I knew it. And so we tried the Ferber Method - essentially, baby goes to sleep drowsy, they cry when you put them down, you go in after 5 minutes to soothe but not pick up, then again at 10 minutes, and then 15 minute intervals after that until they sleep. It was an hours-long affair, and I sought the comfort via text of many mama friends that night. We continued the program for the next few nights, and he seemed to improve, but never really got it completely. It fell by the wayside, and a few weeks later we tried again, this time to extinction (meaning, you don't go in at all and truly let them cry it out).
Hashtag fail, and so, again.
At this point in time, we are at Cry It Out version 3.5 - the half because this last time came about spontaneously as I. Just. Had. Enough. In my last trimester of pregnancy, I was very physically uncomfortable, so I slept poorly. Those three months, combined with his 9 months of poor-sleep-existence, meant a year of unbelievable fatigue for me. To this day, I have not yet slept through the night since neither has he.
But... he is doing so much better this time around. Thank the old gods and the new.
Little koala had predictable wake up times, and was not actually feeding at those times. I had been so worried that his crying would wake his sister, that I couldn't let it go on for long which likely contributed to our previous failed attempts. This time, the plan was that he would cry to extinction regardless of how long it would take, and if his sister should wake, she and my better half would camp on the living room pullout. He has indeed cried for an hour or more, and she has yet to wake up. This may pose a problem when I'm trying to get her butt in gear for school, but for now, I am thankful for her super-sound sleeping.
This is the third night of Cry It Out version 3.5 and I am finally hopeful that we will be successful. Even now, he is feeding only once in the night, and waking about 45 minutes later than he used to. He's had crying episodes both nights, but we let them go and eventually he handles it. We're all sleeping better despite those episodes, and so all of this is a win. Granted, our bar is low, but when you've felt like an extra on The Walking Dead for as long as I have, you will take those little wins and snuggle them close.
Rookie parents like me, please know: you need sleep. Your baby needs to learn how to sleep. But sometimes, all the strategies and programs in the world cannot help, and you will do what you have to do. But that's not sustainable, so make a plan that works for you and commit to it. When and if it fails, give it some time and try again. And again.
And if your baby is one of those gems that sleeps through from day one, then congratulations and be quiet about it. And anyway, they get you now or they get you later...
Nighty night.
Is that how you spell it? It's been so long, I've forgotten what it looks like.
My days consist of giggling and cooing to a sweet little babe. My nights, however, are more about glaring at a baby monitor and muttering unrepeatables at the screen.
This being our second time around the track, the hub and I knew that the early months would be defined by survival - do whatever it takes to keep everyone safe, sane and reasonably healthy. For me, that meant forging a butt groove in the corner of our sectional, and watching Netflix in the wee hours of the morning while my curly-haired newborn slept soundly on my torso.
The months went on.
Eventually, we graduated from that ridiculous setup, to sleeping in a play yard in our room, and then to a crib in his. The transitions went okay, but his quality of sleep was garbage: nursing to sleep, waking every few hours, crying for comfort or cuddles or just for the fun of it. We forgave it for awhile, blaming sleep regressions, colds, vaccinations, etc. on the many sleepless nights we endured. With our eldest, we didn't really do a cry it out until she was over a year; and even then, she was only waking once a night for a minute or two, so the hurdle we had to overcome was minuscule. (*Sidenote: she cried for 12 minutes the first night, 5 minutes the second, and was done. AMAZING). In her younger months, I couldn't fathom doing cry it out. I simply didn't have the stomach for it. But then this other beautiful little monster came around... and we knew we had to try it.
When we finally decided to bite the bullet and do a real cry it out program with him, I was waking 4 - 6 times a night with him, holding him for an hour, sometimes two, while he slept and I didn't. This was not a healthy setup for either of us, and I knew it. And so we tried the Ferber Method - essentially, baby goes to sleep drowsy, they cry when you put them down, you go in after 5 minutes to soothe but not pick up, then again at 10 minutes, and then 15 minute intervals after that until they sleep. It was an hours-long affair, and I sought the comfort via text of many mama friends that night. We continued the program for the next few nights, and he seemed to improve, but never really got it completely. It fell by the wayside, and a few weeks later we tried again, this time to extinction (meaning, you don't go in at all and truly let them cry it out).
Hashtag fail, and so, again.
At this point in time, we are at Cry It Out version 3.5 - the half because this last time came about spontaneously as I. Just. Had. Enough. In my last trimester of pregnancy, I was very physically uncomfortable, so I slept poorly. Those three months, combined with his 9 months of poor-sleep-existence, meant a year of unbelievable fatigue for me. To this day, I have not yet slept through the night since neither has he.
But... he is doing so much better this time around. Thank the old gods and the new.
Little koala had predictable wake up times, and was not actually feeding at those times. I had been so worried that his crying would wake his sister, that I couldn't let it go on for long which likely contributed to our previous failed attempts. This time, the plan was that he would cry to extinction regardless of how long it would take, and if his sister should wake, she and my better half would camp on the living room pullout. He has indeed cried for an hour or more, and she has yet to wake up. This may pose a problem when I'm trying to get her butt in gear for school, but for now, I am thankful for her super-sound sleeping.
This is the third night of Cry It Out version 3.5 and I am finally hopeful that we will be successful. Even now, he is feeding only once in the night, and waking about 45 minutes later than he used to. He's had crying episodes both nights, but we let them go and eventually he handles it. We're all sleeping better despite those episodes, and so all of this is a win. Granted, our bar is low, but when you've felt like an extra on The Walking Dead for as long as I have, you will take those little wins and snuggle them close.
Rookie parents like me, please know: you need sleep. Your baby needs to learn how to sleep. But sometimes, all the strategies and programs in the world cannot help, and you will do what you have to do. But that's not sustainable, so make a plan that works for you and commit to it. When and if it fails, give it some time and try again. And again.
And if your baby is one of those gems that sleeps through from day one, then congratulations and be quiet about it. And anyway, they get you now or they get you later...
Nighty night.
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