Just Don't...Say This to the Mom of a Preemie
And we are back from a hiatus caused by, well, being a rookie mama! Life and the ever-increasing demands of a now 10-month-old have made blogging a very difficult task. And so, we will return with a bit of a gear-grinding story - a true tale that happened to me last summer when my little one was about 5 months old.
We were at a birthday party, and in attendance were many couples and young families. I didn't know who this woman was; I had never met her before but she and her partner were there with their infant son. A cute, drooly boy with big dark eyes and chickfuzz hair.
- - -
"Aww," she says. "How old is your daughter?"
"Five months," I reply.
"Oh, a little older than my son! He was born *insert date here*"
"She was a preemie," I explain, "born five weeks early. She should have actually been born in July!"
"How much does she weigh?" she asks.
"About 15 or 16 pounds now."
"Huh!" she scoffs. "He weighs way more than that."
Taken aback, I nod and smile. "Well, she surprised us. She wasn't quite finished baking."
The husband, with an apologetic smile, says, "he was actually OVERdone."
I laugh.
- - -
My daughter was just barely a preemie. Five weeks early but just three weeks from being technically full-term. Still, she was small - 5 lbs, 9.6 oz at birth. All her organs and senses were developed but she had little body fat, and needed to gain weight. In order to do that, she had to learn how to feed properly thus our 10-day stay in the NICU. When we were discharged from the hospital, she was a wee 5 lbs, 6 oz. but was feeding without assistance from a nasogastric or lactaid tube. We were required to feed her on demand or every 3 hours, whichever came first, for the first 3 - 4 months of her life; this meant 12 to 16 feeds each and every day for that many months. In that time, she went from not even registering on the weight scales for infants her age, to being over the 50th percentile. It was a hard road to get there, but she worked very hard and we were proud of our accomplishment.
This woman did not take that away from us. But she did display the disturbing and unfortunate behaviour of some new moms to competitively rank their child against another. In our case, weight is a sign of health but it is really just a number. It's not a developmental milestone nor does it reflect the skills of the parent or the future aptitude of the child.
I was a little flustered and a lot annoyed when she said it. So I'm not proud of what I did next, but since this blog is all about the real deal, I will disclose:
- - -
Noticing that her little one did not have the neck or trunk control that mine did, I popped my little preemie up on the counter to ostensibly rest my arms but really to show off her sitting ability.
"Ohh..." the woman says, a wistful look on her face. "She can sit!"
"Oh yeah," I shrug nonchalantly. "She just started, but she's getting better at it."
- - -
We are small. But we are mighty. And do not mess with us.
We were at a birthday party, and in attendance were many couples and young families. I didn't know who this woman was; I had never met her before but she and her partner were there with their infant son. A cute, drooly boy with big dark eyes and chickfuzz hair.
- - -
"Aww," she says. "How old is your daughter?"
"Five months," I reply.
"Oh, a little older than my son! He was born *insert date here*"
"She was a preemie," I explain, "born five weeks early. She should have actually been born in July!"
"How much does she weigh?" she asks.
"About 15 or 16 pounds now."
"Huh!" she scoffs. "He weighs way more than that."
Taken aback, I nod and smile. "Well, she surprised us. She wasn't quite finished baking."
The husband, with an apologetic smile, says, "he was actually OVERdone."
I laugh.
- - -
My daughter was just barely a preemie. Five weeks early but just three weeks from being technically full-term. Still, she was small - 5 lbs, 9.6 oz at birth. All her organs and senses were developed but she had little body fat, and needed to gain weight. In order to do that, she had to learn how to feed properly thus our 10-day stay in the NICU. When we were discharged from the hospital, she was a wee 5 lbs, 6 oz. but was feeding without assistance from a nasogastric or lactaid tube. We were required to feed her on demand or every 3 hours, whichever came first, for the first 3 - 4 months of her life; this meant 12 to 16 feeds each and every day for that many months. In that time, she went from not even registering on the weight scales for infants her age, to being over the 50th percentile. It was a hard road to get there, but she worked very hard and we were proud of our accomplishment.
This woman did not take that away from us. But she did display the disturbing and unfortunate behaviour of some new moms to competitively rank their child against another. In our case, weight is a sign of health but it is really just a number. It's not a developmental milestone nor does it reflect the skills of the parent or the future aptitude of the child.
I was a little flustered and a lot annoyed when she said it. So I'm not proud of what I did next, but since this blog is all about the real deal, I will disclose:
- - -
Noticing that her little one did not have the neck or trunk control that mine did, I popped my little preemie up on the counter to ostensibly rest my arms but really to show off her sitting ability.
"Ohh..." the woman says, a wistful look on her face. "She can sit!"
"Oh yeah," I shrug nonchalantly. "She just started, but she's getting better at it."
- - -
We are small. But we are mighty. And do not mess with us.
Ha, I love you :) It is pretty ridiculous how competitive parents are, but I'm glad you were able to shake off her comments and not let them get to you or take away your hard work...but also show her up a little ;)
ReplyDeleteHaha thanks, I love you too! It's surprising what new parenthood can bring out in some people. But like I said to Becca: sometimes you take the high road, other times you shove things back in their faces. Perhaps not my proudest moment, but there it is nonetheless ;)
ReplyDelete